What does it mean to be different?
www.yawningbread.org
Stumbled across this blog.. Actually I’ve heard of it before; just never read its articles. The articles were interesting reads because of his so unique perspectives. The thing that stunned me for a moment was that he is a gay. Moreover, he is a gay activist (someone who champions for the rights and interests of the homosexual community). But after a while, i reconciled with this fact and realised that he has many refreshing viewpoints to offer.
Go read some of his articles on being gay.. This is one subject that seemed to be so tabooed, and there is just this social stigma associated with being homosexual. There is something he said which i think is so true,
"Some people have moles on their left cheek. We don't think of them as a distinct group. Some people have terrible handwriting. We don't think of them as a distinct group... We know that among Singaporeans, there are some who like their food very spicy, and others who don't, with yet others somewhere in between. But we don't sort people by their spice-preference. We're certainly aware of the INDIVIDUAL differences in taste... we don't think of them as forming a GROUP and drawing lines between "them" and "us". So just because some people sleep with the opposite sex and others sleep with the same sex, does not mean that this difference must necessarily be so major that people are classified by it, with the law and politics getting into the act. That our society does that -- today -- is simply because our culture has taught us to do that. There is nothing inherently natural about making such a big deal about it."
- Jul 1997: Food and other surprises
How true... I really admire his courage for battling out for something he strongly believes in, and for the fact that he stood out from the crowd which is so locked in their own myopic world. He chose to be different, and I respect him for that.
Another short one here, he wrote about the impersonality of urban denizens. We seldom greet people on the street, not less to smile, because we know the other party will be thinking, "siao.." The full article is much enjoyable to read, however I just find this quote to be so true.
"Our urban customs are really social graces. They make it easy to live together in a crowded environment. We compensate for the lack of physical space and privacy by creating mental privacy, and we've learnt to do that almost instinctively."
- Jun 1997: The curse of urban graces
This article was about how people who wanted to strike up a conversation with people they were attracted to on the streets, yet find themselves tongue-tied, or lacking in courage to just speak up. Eventually it became a regret that they lamented.
He wrote in an article about love and relationships. It described the beginning or budding of feelings for each other, and the stage where everything is so ambiguous and uncertain. The relationship may or may not blossom, yet it is this enigma which leaves such a deep imprint in the hearts of many. Have a read...
"It is difficult, at that stage in a relationship (what relationship?) to articulate your feelings. Primarily, since everything is so tentative, the overriding fear is one of rejection. But there is also the fear of overstating your position, and giving the other side, not exactly false, but inflated hopes. Most of us are decent enough not to want to do that to a friend. There is also a danger, as most of us would realise, even at the moment we want to utter the words, that we may be confusing our own hopes or imagination with our real feelings, and so we hold back, and give ourselves more time to let things take shape.
In the absence of either side saying anything substantial, we try to read all the available signs. Every little joke, every little suggestion or hint of delay is replayed in the mind and interpreted many times over. Sometimes we interpret them correctly, other times, we are way off mark. "
- July 1997: Trent
How heartfelt the descriptions were! Although in the article he was relating his own experience with a man he was infatuated with, I guess it could be easily applied to heterosexuals as well. If at this point of time you have any repulsion, pause and think. What is so wrong? These are very humanly feelings are universal and can equally applied to relationships of all kind, be it homosexual or heterosexual or others.
As you can see, so far I’ve only read his 1997 archives. 10 more years of good articles to chew on. Haha.. At this point, perhaps I would dive into another topic through the platform set by yawning bread, about being different.
I believe a good majority of us are so culturally ingrained in the traditional form of family, of love, that we failed to see the many alternative lifestyles around us. Man is so heterogeneous; it is impossible for a cultural monolith to pervade and transcend the whole of society. This does not intrinsically mean that we should pursue these lifestyles - you adopt your own way of living. However, acknowledging and accepting them is the least that we can do. It is only through diverse perspectives and lenses that knowledge can flourish, leaving much room for a fuller understanding of life to develop.
Then I thought, how does it feel to be different? I guess a good many of us are able to find people similar to us in our society, and that sometimes we are even glad that we are the majority, the "norm". Is it because we rather feel safe to be the same as everyone else or is it a lack of courage to break out? I didn't intend separate the "us" and "them", as what Yawning bread said, having this dichotomy is the basis of discrimination. But one does have to acknowledge that differences exist. So how does it feel to be marginalised or neglected by society?
Sad to say, I don’t know. I admit that I have yet found my courage to break out, to pursue something entirely different. By no means am I encouraging people to be different for it’s own sake. However, many a times, I find myself blindly adhering to society's norms, or on a smaller scale, to just simply accept my life as it is being laid out for me by society. I follow through the educational path, going through the track that the government has planned out. While I pursue my own hobbies and interests, these are mostly "extra-curricular activities", or even worse, these activities itself are also part of this charted route. They give an illusion of diversity, of choice, yet to put it simply, they are but part of a life planned for me, not by me.
I guess the proverbial "all routes lead to Rome" is the best analogy I can think of yet. There is just one end - to be economically productive. The means are varied but to simplify it, we are all following the same master plan. Mr Tong(my GP teacher) cleverly pointed out that Singaporeans have two innate beliefs, which translate into the many idiosyncrasies and behavioural traits unique to, and typical of Singaporeans. That is “Society is more important than self.” And “Work is more important than self.” I shall not elaborate because they are not the focus.
It is no wonder that many a times I find myself insecure, unnatural, or just plain uncomfortable in myself. As I get to know myself and my parents better, I realise that my personality is in conflict with much of the prevalent attitudes and mentality here. Without sounding too self-absorbed i shall just briefly mention, I am an idealist, sometimes moralist but sometimes liberalist (yes i realised they are quite the opposite, but I found my balance =P). Perhaps my personality can be much better developed in HK, where freedom and openness prevails. Yet being brought up in this very structured, organised and to some extent rigid Singaporean society, I have adopted some of its innate beliefs. They are beliefs that I'm sad to admit to have them, even if it is just a limited extent. This pragmatism, strive for efficiency and results, competitiveness, fear of making mistakes etc... They are traits which may be valued by this society, but to me, they are just too impersonal and callous.
Many a times in my life, when I subconsciously tried to do something along my own values system (One example would be to aim to develop the "soft core" in my Red Cross unit instead of striving to achieve yet another EUA), I get disapproved, rejected, disappointed by how other people react. Yet, perhaps it is through such experimentation that I began to adopt the traits which I would have disagreed with. That it is not “right” to pursue ideals, not “realistic” to strive for goals which are so esoteric and immeasurable.
Through my twelve years of education, I’ve seen so many people whom so unsympathetically judge others for their academic results or materialistic achievements. “You got into NYJC? How come?”, “Oh, you’re in arts? (Sympathetic look)”, “You got a C? But you S paper student leh”, “You play piano? Grade what?” (fyi, a grade does not equate the amount of interest one has for an instrument)., or even for some, (pure hypothetical)“Your A levels is coming in 25(or is it 24? Heck…lol) days! Why are you still wasting time blogging??” By no means am I embittered by the fact that I am not the top strata of the academic hierarchy, because I’ve learnt to recognise that my self worth is not based on these things. I don’t blame the people who make such remarks either, because I understand the reason for this mentality. Just that I don’t necessarily have to agree with them.
Quote from Mr Tong, “people here allow their personal value to be determined by the system.” I couldn’t agree more. Which is a really sad phenomenal isn’t it? - To allow ourselves to be defined by cold hard statistics and numbers. That is exactly why I cannot align my values system with the one here. Again, simply too callous.
Thankfully, after going through lessons with Mr Tong, I’ve learnt that, to stand firm to my own beliefs, there is no such thing as "once bitten twice shy". I have to be bitten a million times and come back again mentally unscathed. If there are some things worth fighting for, then one must be prepared to get hurt along the way.
I guess, that is the price to pay for being different.
Stumbled across this blog.. Actually I’ve heard of it before; just never read its articles. The articles were interesting reads because of his so unique perspectives. The thing that stunned me for a moment was that he is a gay. Moreover, he is a gay activist (someone who champions for the rights and interests of the homosexual community). But after a while, i reconciled with this fact and realised that he has many refreshing viewpoints to offer.
Go read some of his articles on being gay.. This is one subject that seemed to be so tabooed, and there is just this social stigma associated with being homosexual. There is something he said which i think is so true,
"Some people have moles on their left cheek. We don't think of them as a distinct group. Some people have terrible handwriting. We don't think of them as a distinct group... We know that among Singaporeans, there are some who like their food very spicy, and others who don't, with yet others somewhere in between. But we don't sort people by their spice-preference. We're certainly aware of the INDIVIDUAL differences in taste... we don't think of them as forming a GROUP and drawing lines between "them" and "us". So just because some people sleep with the opposite sex and others sleep with the same sex, does not mean that this difference must necessarily be so major that people are classified by it, with the law and politics getting into the act. That our society does that -- today -- is simply because our culture has taught us to do that. There is nothing inherently natural about making such a big deal about it."
- Jul 1997: Food and other surprises
How true... I really admire his courage for battling out for something he strongly believes in, and for the fact that he stood out from the crowd which is so locked in their own myopic world. He chose to be different, and I respect him for that.
Another short one here, he wrote about the impersonality of urban denizens. We seldom greet people on the street, not less to smile, because we know the other party will be thinking, "siao.." The full article is much enjoyable to read, however I just find this quote to be so true.
"Our urban customs are really social graces. They make it easy to live together in a crowded environment. We compensate for the lack of physical space and privacy by creating mental privacy, and we've learnt to do that almost instinctively."
- Jun 1997: The curse of urban graces
This article was about how people who wanted to strike up a conversation with people they were attracted to on the streets, yet find themselves tongue-tied, or lacking in courage to just speak up. Eventually it became a regret that they lamented.
He wrote in an article about love and relationships. It described the beginning or budding of feelings for each other, and the stage where everything is so ambiguous and uncertain. The relationship may or may not blossom, yet it is this enigma which leaves such a deep imprint in the hearts of many. Have a read...
"It is difficult, at that stage in a relationship (what relationship?) to articulate your feelings. Primarily, since everything is so tentative, the overriding fear is one of rejection. But there is also the fear of overstating your position, and giving the other side, not exactly false, but inflated hopes. Most of us are decent enough not to want to do that to a friend. There is also a danger, as most of us would realise, even at the moment we want to utter the words, that we may be confusing our own hopes or imagination with our real feelings, and so we hold back, and give ourselves more time to let things take shape.
In the absence of either side saying anything substantial, we try to read all the available signs. Every little joke, every little suggestion or hint of delay is replayed in the mind and interpreted many times over. Sometimes we interpret them correctly, other times, we are way off mark. "
- July 1997: Trent
How heartfelt the descriptions were! Although in the article he was relating his own experience with a man he was infatuated with, I guess it could be easily applied to heterosexuals as well. If at this point of time you have any repulsion, pause and think. What is so wrong? These are very humanly feelings are universal and can equally applied to relationships of all kind, be it homosexual or heterosexual or others.
As you can see, so far I’ve only read his 1997 archives. 10 more years of good articles to chew on. Haha.. At this point, perhaps I would dive into another topic through the platform set by yawning bread, about being different.
I believe a good majority of us are so culturally ingrained in the traditional form of family, of love, that we failed to see the many alternative lifestyles around us. Man is so heterogeneous; it is impossible for a cultural monolith to pervade and transcend the whole of society. This does not intrinsically mean that we should pursue these lifestyles - you adopt your own way of living. However, acknowledging and accepting them is the least that we can do. It is only through diverse perspectives and lenses that knowledge can flourish, leaving much room for a fuller understanding of life to develop.
Then I thought, how does it feel to be different? I guess a good many of us are able to find people similar to us in our society, and that sometimes we are even glad that we are the majority, the "norm". Is it because we rather feel safe to be the same as everyone else or is it a lack of courage to break out? I didn't intend separate the "us" and "them", as what Yawning bread said, having this dichotomy is the basis of discrimination. But one does have to acknowledge that differences exist. So how does it feel to be marginalised or neglected by society?
Sad to say, I don’t know. I admit that I have yet found my courage to break out, to pursue something entirely different. By no means am I encouraging people to be different for it’s own sake. However, many a times, I find myself blindly adhering to society's norms, or on a smaller scale, to just simply accept my life as it is being laid out for me by society. I follow through the educational path, going through the track that the government has planned out. While I pursue my own hobbies and interests, these are mostly "extra-curricular activities", or even worse, these activities itself are also part of this charted route. They give an illusion of diversity, of choice, yet to put it simply, they are but part of a life planned for me, not by me.
I guess the proverbial "all routes lead to Rome" is the best analogy I can think of yet. There is just one end - to be economically productive. The means are varied but to simplify it, we are all following the same master plan. Mr Tong(my GP teacher) cleverly pointed out that Singaporeans have two innate beliefs, which translate into the many idiosyncrasies and behavioural traits unique to, and typical of Singaporeans. That is “Society is more important than self.” And “Work is more important than self.” I shall not elaborate because they are not the focus.
It is no wonder that many a times I find myself insecure, unnatural, or just plain uncomfortable in myself. As I get to know myself and my parents better, I realise that my personality is in conflict with much of the prevalent attitudes and mentality here. Without sounding too self-absorbed i shall just briefly mention, I am an idealist, sometimes moralist but sometimes liberalist (yes i realised they are quite the opposite, but I found my balance =P). Perhaps my personality can be much better developed in HK, where freedom and openness prevails. Yet being brought up in this very structured, organised and to some extent rigid Singaporean society, I have adopted some of its innate beliefs. They are beliefs that I'm sad to admit to have them, even if it is just a limited extent. This pragmatism, strive for efficiency and results, competitiveness, fear of making mistakes etc... They are traits which may be valued by this society, but to me, they are just too impersonal and callous.
Many a times in my life, when I subconsciously tried to do something along my own values system (One example would be to aim to develop the "soft core" in my Red Cross unit instead of striving to achieve yet another EUA), I get disapproved, rejected, disappointed by how other people react. Yet, perhaps it is through such experimentation that I began to adopt the traits which I would have disagreed with. That it is not “right” to pursue ideals, not “realistic” to strive for goals which are so esoteric and immeasurable.
Through my twelve years of education, I’ve seen so many people whom so unsympathetically judge others for their academic results or materialistic achievements. “You got into NYJC? How come?”, “Oh, you’re in arts? (Sympathetic look)”, “You got a C? But you S paper student leh”, “You play piano? Grade what?” (fyi, a grade does not equate the amount of interest one has for an instrument)., or even for some, (pure hypothetical)“Your A levels is coming in 25(or is it 24? Heck…lol) days! Why are you still wasting time blogging??” By no means am I embittered by the fact that I am not the top strata of the academic hierarchy, because I’ve learnt to recognise that my self worth is not based on these things. I don’t blame the people who make such remarks either, because I understand the reason for this mentality. Just that I don’t necessarily have to agree with them.
Quote from Mr Tong, “people here allow their personal value to be determined by the system.” I couldn’t agree more. Which is a really sad phenomenal isn’t it? - To allow ourselves to be defined by cold hard statistics and numbers. That is exactly why I cannot align my values system with the one here. Again, simply too callous.
Thankfully, after going through lessons with Mr Tong, I’ve learnt that, to stand firm to my own beliefs, there is no such thing as "once bitten twice shy". I have to be bitten a million times and come back again mentally unscathed. If there are some things worth fighting for, then one must be prepared to get hurt along the way.
I guess, that is the price to pay for being different.
posted by Rayne at 9:23 AM
2 Comments:
hey yuqing! great entry! it's very insightful & i've learnt much from it. thank u.
somehow i find it impossible to be not affected what society thinks of me. there's always this pressure there, to conform or not to conform?
then i would start questioning myself on what is the "norm" & what's not.
it actually takes alot of courage to stand up for what u believe in or even to pursue ur dreams which others may deem it economically unviable option. but i guess at e end of the day, the gratification tt u get from being able to pursue ur dreams is always much higher than when u choose a economically viable option.
i admire u for ur strong will power, ur passion & ur determination in making ur dreams come true. all e best to u in ur journey towards making ur dreams a reality, & of course, all e best for ur A lvls too! :)
take care!
p.s: i hope u dun mind me poking around in ur blog. haha. i managed to linked here by chance.
~simin
Heys Simin! Thanks! No prob about reading my blog, its meant to be public anyway. =)
Actually, I have yet to find the courage to totally break out too. I am affected by societal norms and by opinions of other people too... I guess it takes a lot of wisdom to be able see all these things as clouds in the passing. Till I'm "enlightened", I guess i'm still as "mortal" as anyone. lol.. While these are ideals we strive for, they don't come true immediately, so take your time to find your strength! I believe that if you keep trying, it will come to you eventually.
I've read some of your entries in your blog too! They are very informative and well written as well.. You're quite an avid blogger huh? Unlike me who only update once in a blue moon. haha.. Keep up the great entries!
Meanwhile, we do have some short term goals to fulfill, and that is to finish the As! All the best to you too! =)
yc
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